The Problem with “Passing” as a Trans Woman
All right kids, settle down. Professor Lexi has some truths to teach you, and no, you can’t go for a bathroom break until I’m done.
“Passing”
What a concept. Whenever anyone says it, I get a jolt of discomfort and disgust. Passing assumes you’ve properly blended in with a group of people, but it still inherently holds this idea that you’re not the thing you’re passing as. You’re just pretending, and you pretended the best.
I would like to say here that if your goal as a trans woman is to be perceived as a woman without anyone misgendering you or being weird about your existence, this isn’t about you. That’s a normal thing to want and it’s what most trans folk strive for. This is normal, and if you use the term passing because it’s all you have, I’m not judging you. It’s the terminology the community has used for a long time.
No, what I’m talking about are the people that will nitpick every small detail of a person until there’s nothing left. Specifically, the thing that pissed me off enough to make this rant was r/transpassing on reddit. I saw a single post about brow-line and “the lighting makes you look masculine”, and that’s enough to make me call it out.
That’s really fucking stupid, and you should be ashamed to think the way you do. You’re no better than high school mean girls tearing apart other women who look less plastic than you. The things you criticize trans women for are things some cis women get as well. It’s unproductive and toxic.
And oh god, I can hear it now: “you’re only mad because you don’t pass.”
Nah, I just don’t care like you do. My goal was HRT and feeling more like myself. I don’t need to check every arbitrary box you decided was the “right way to transition”. I get called sir, ma’am, and them depending on the situation, and I couldn’t care less. I go into the women’s restroom because I look feminine, and no one has questioned it. My voice is still masculine, my walk is still masculine. I don’t care. I’m sorry that you do.
There are two goals for places like r/transpassing. The first is approval seeking when you’re still early in transition and care far too much about the opinion of others. There are better resources, like most other regular trans support groups. Seek those instead. The other goal is to just hear people say you’re pretty. Plenty of people post on there saying they’re worried they don’t pass, when the picture they put up makes them look like a supermodel. Stop being so fake, and just go look in a mirror. You don’t need the approval of online people, and you already know you look like a woman, so grow up and just live your damn life, or start an onlyfans to get the attention you want.
The worst thing the trans community can do is gatekeep each other. We already do it enough. Also, never ask the internet whether you look good enough or not. You don’t know these people, and their opinions shouldn’t matter. The only opinion that should matter is your own. Are you happy with yourself? If yes, then you made it. Congratulations! If not, then take a look at yourself and change the things that you want to change. No person on the internet can do that for you.
